The Addiction Most High Achievers Have.. That No One Talks About

Before you read another word, I want to invite you inward.
Take a deep breath and notice what stirs in you as you move through this piece, the reactions, the discomfort, the curiosity. Those thoughts and emotions that bubble up? They matter. They’re messengers. Lean into them and ask, why are you here? What are you trying to show me?
Write them down. Make a note. Sit with them for a while because they hold the keys to what’s really going on beneath the surface.

The Silent Addiction We Don’t Name

There’s an addiction so many high achievers carry, and yet we rarely, if ever, talk about it.

It’s not sugar, caffeine, shopping, or scrolling. It’s more subtle than that. It flies under the radar… until it doesn’t and that's the craving for external validation.

Most of us chase it without even realizing it: the gold stars, the praise, the nod of approval from a boss, a parent, a partner, a friend. We bend, mould and perform, hoping that if people see how hard-working, giving, loyal, dedicated, and “good” we are, maybe they’ll treat us well, they’ll love us, they’ll choose us and
maybe they’ll see our worth. But every single time you look outside of yourself for someone to prove your worth, you abandon who you really are in here.

You start to push away the parts of yourself you fear might not fit someone else’s expectations.
You hide. You perform. You become a character in someone else’s story and little by little… you forget who you actually are.

How Do You Know If You’re Hooked?

So how do you know if you’re hooked on external validation? The signs are often subtle, but they run deep. It’s not just about craving compliments or likes, it’s about how much of yourself you’re willing to silence in exchange for being liked, approved of, or accepted.

Maybe you struggle to set boundaries because being liked feels safer than being honest. Maybe you say “yes” when every part of you wants to say “no.” Your mood might rise and fall based on how others perceive you, or you might find yourself needing reassurance before making even the smallest decisions.

You could feel a quiet deflation when your wins go unnoticed, or find yourself hiding your true thoughts and identity just to avoid conflict. Perhaps you replay conversations in your head wondering if you sounded “good enough,” or feel guilty for resting because you’ve tied your worth to productivity. Maybe you hesitate to celebrate yourself unless there’s an audience, or avoid taking risks that might invite rejection. At the root of it all, you may fear that who you are isn’t enough unless someone else confirms it.

If reading this stings a little, take a breath, give yourself grace and celebrate because It’s about recognizing the pattern and uncovering your truth. A truth, even an uncomfortable one, is what sets you free.

The Truth: You Were Always Enough

Here’s the uncomfortable but wildly liberating truth: No matter how flawlessly you perform… No matter how much you over-deliver, shrink yourself, overthink your words, or bend backward to meet someone else’s expectations… No matter how many gold stars you earn, how many times you bite your tongue, how perfectly you play the role you think will make you lovable…

It will never feel like enough if deep down you don’t believe you are enough because what you’re really starving for isn’t more applause, it’s your own permission to exist as you are.

The praise you chase? It’s just a placeholder. A momentary hit. It soothes the ache for a second, but it never really satisfies. What you’re longing for can’t be handed to you from outside, it has to be claimed from within.

Here’s where it gets even more painful and powerful: Someone’s inability to see your worth has nothing to do with your value. Their approval is not proof. Their rejection is not evidence. Their silence is not a verdict. Their opinions are just that, opinions. They don’t rewrite the truth of who you are.

It’s like someone looking you in the eyes and saying, “Hey, I think a square has three sides.”
It doesn’t matter how confidently they say it, how many followers they have, or how many people agree, a square still has four sides and always will. So why hand over your self-worth to people who can’t even see clearly? Why place your truth in hands that were never meant to hold it?

You don’t need someone else to confirm what’s already true. You were always enough. Before the performance. Before the praise. Before the proving. You were enough when you were still learning to speak, still stumbling, still unsure and you’re enough now, exactly as you are.

The real power begins when you believe it. Not because someone told you, but because you finally decided to stop outsourcing your truth.

The Trap & The Way Out

The trap of external validation is sneaky and brutal. It doesn’t just disconnect you from others. It pulls you further and further away from yourself. From your intuition. From your needs. From the parts of you that make you feel whole and alive.

It whispers lies like, “If I just do more, maybe they’ll finally see me. If I’m impressive enough, kind enough, successful enough… maybe I’ll finally be enough.”
So you hustle, contort and pour out more than you ever truly had to give.
You live in a constant state of emotional over-extension, trying to earn a sense of worthiness that was never meant to be conditional in the first place.

For a while, it works.. until it doesn’t. Until your body breaks down, you feel numb, detached, lost, like a shell of who you once were. Until the burnout, the resentment, the exhaustion catches up to you and forces you to ask: What am I even doing this for?

Then comes the most painful part:

the realization that you’ve been abandoning yourself in slow, subtle ways for years. That you’ve been more loyal to others’ comfort than to your own truth.
That you’ve been starving for recognition when what you really needed was self-return.

But here’s the hope and the truth:

The cycle can stop. You break the loop not with a grand, sweeping change, but in the quietest of ways: By choosing yourself. Over and over and over again. You pause before saying “yes” to check if you actually want to, you rest because your body asked you to - not because you crossed everything off your to-do list, you celebrate your wins without needing someone else to notice, you say “no” and let it stand,
you listen to your feelings, your dreams, your inner voice and you let them count.

This is the way back. This is how you remember yourself. One brave, grounded act of self-trust at a time
and eventually… you come home. Not to the version of you the world applauded, but to the version of you that always existed, quiet, whole, worthy and without ever needing to prove it.

The Invitation

If you’ve made it this far, I want you to know something: this isn’t just a blog post, it’s a mirror. A call back to yourself because if any part of you is tired of performing, proving or pretending, you are not alone
and you don’t have to keep living on the edge of burnout, chasing validation like it’s oxygen.

You’re allowed to unlearn the quiet addiction of external approval, to stop contorting yourself to fit into spaces you were never meant to belong in and you’re allowed to let go of the belief that love and worth must be earned.

You don’t need another gold star, someone else to give you permission to rest, to be proud, to take up space and you definitely don’t need to be “better” to be worthy. You just need you... The real you.
The messy, magical, unfinished, fully human you.

So if you’re ready to come back home, to your truth, your softness, your power stay close.
This is a space for your healing, for your unbecoming and for your return.